Guest Blog; What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Guest Blog Tonight: my friend and colleague Steve Burns writes tonight about getting out of bed in the morning. Enjoy :)...

Following our recent NLP Master Practitioner Course in Glasgow my fascination into how we are motivated to do the things we do was rekindled. Just how do you motivate yourself to get out of bed in the morning?

I mean, if you also have a memory foam mattress like me, you'll know just how cosy, warm and beautiful your sleeping palace can be...:-)

So how do you do it? Are you inspired & excited for the days plans, fearful & stressed that if you don't move soon then you won't have time to do what you feel you need to do? or maybe you juts kind of roll out, stumble into the shower and let the cold water do the job for you.

Of course when we zoom the camera back a bit we find a more important question at play...

In general, why do we do anything? What are you primary motivation strategies for getting things done?

Do you use the the anticipation of how good you're going to feel when you're done? Or perhaps you choose the gut wrenching fear of how bad you'll feel if you don't...Or maybe you're somewhere in between...

It's an important question when you think about it...Most of your day is taken up by 'doing stuff' so you might as well do it in a way where you get the greatest pleasure you can and the smallest amount of frustration.

I was told a story once about a foolish man and a wise man. On deciding to clean his closet for the first time in a year the foolish man opens the door, takes a look at the mass of disorganised clothes and random objects, instantly feels a pang of anxiety in the pit of his stomach but decides it's something he really should do. He proceeds to re-arrange his closet and, as he progresses through all the junk, the feeling of anxiety gets smaller and smaller until (once he has finished) the feeling has gone...

The wise man, however, had a different strategy...On opening the closet and seeing a similar scene of chaos he quickly projects himself into the future...and imagines what it's going to be like when he's finished...The time and place when the closet looks clean, organised and just the way he wants it...On feeling the good feeling this brings he starts the tidy...The closer he gets to this image the better he feels until he experiences the sense of satisfaction on completion...

Because when you get down to it there's always a way to do things that involves maximizing the pleasure and minimizing the stress...

So ask yourself the question, Why do I do what I do? Is it to mostly to avoid pain? or is it all about the pleasure? If it's the former then shifting this more towards noticing the pleasure could be one of the best things you've ever done...

Check out www.scottishcentreofnlp.com for details of where you can see Steve and I train together very soon indeed

The magic fairies are coming...

It's easy to become fixated on our problems being external to us.  You know, we blame the food, the drink, the fags, the drugs and call them 'the problem'. 

Stop kidding yourself on! The 'thing' isn't the problem, you are!

See the only reason you eat the food, smoke the fag etc. is because your mind has decided that it is the quickest way it has got of meeting a key, unconscious need.  The question is which one.  Here's a very basic model that you can use to diagnose which need your 'thing' meets - 

Stability - the need to have peace, quiet and to stop the noise, stop the stress

Variety - the need to get the buzz, to alleviate the boredom

Connection - the need to not feel alone, to be part of something

Or finally,

Status - the need to feel special/cool/different, like you are an individual who makes their own choices

It doesn't matter how 'sorted' you think your life is, you even do the good stuff like exercise, ambition and creativity to get these needs met.

So ask yourself, which are you?

Once you know which fits you.., stop bloody blaming the 'thing'. The cake doesn't eat itself! The hangover isn't delivered by magic fairies during the night! The dodgy pill didn't just soak through your skin. It was you that did it, you chose it. 

However, the realisation that it's not about the food, drink, drugs or whatever and that it's actually about your unconscious needs gives you the freedom to make one more choice.

What would be a better thing to do instead?

Anyway, for many of you the magic hangover fairies are probably due in a few hours so think about this once you've promised yourself you'll never do it again!!

No Doubts...

Late Night Musing: what does it mean to believe in yourself? I mean, we say the phrase like we know what it means yet, for most of us, we don't. We know how it feels (or doesn't) but we never think about what we actually do to get that feeling.

Here's my thoughts, for what they are worth. Self belief, like many things, is a process. A doing thing that you are actively involved in. It's again, like confidence, not a commodity. I can't buy it, I do it. I can't trade it, I feel it.

But how? Well, it's simple. When you approach a task or context with a picture running in your head that tells you that, without doubt, you are going to do the thing you want to do then you get the feeling of self belief.

However, what many of us do is we run pictures of doing well with an internal commentary that tells us that there is no way this is going to happen and we are actually rubbish. There's a flaw in that strategy!

Your thoughts and self talk are under your control. No-one expects you to be perfect all the time. Always do your best, no-one can ever ask anything more. It's easy to believe in yourself when your expectation is to only ever do the best you possibly can. You can't do anything more or less, can you?

I believe...

Going Loopy

I talk frequently to people about what I have decided today I like to call perpetual loops. These are loops of behaviour that feed themselves which means they can appear, to the person doing them at least, as if they are uncontrollable or without reason.

Anxiety is a prime example. Someone has a horrible experience where they experience anxiety. The next time they think of doing that time they get anxious about the fact that they might get anxious. This makes them anxious. Woops! Now, they have anxiety, not about the thing they are actually anxious about but about the anxiety that they might get anxiety! This then fires off the perpetual loop; anxious about being anxious which is often mistakenly attributed to some mysterious outside cause.

This is exactly the same as the person who gets angry about being angry, sad about being sad, or feels crap about themselves cause they are overweight so they go and eat cake to make themselves feel better (in turn making them overweight which makes them feel crap which....you get the idea). 

It's a really insidious wee trick of the mind but it is actually fiendishly simple to, at least, begin to control. 

Step 1, rationalise the memory that started the loop. Heres some questions for you to start this - What is it that happened? How did you feel? What is it that you think would happen if this was to happen again? Is that worse or better than what happens now?

Step 2 - realise that this is a perpetual loop. A set of behaviours causing themselves. It is really illogical when you step back and notice it. Many times just the awareness of the loop can make it easy to break. Your reaction is historical, it would be like being scared of falling every time you walked just because you fell when you were a baby. 

Anyway, go spot your loops.  You'll have some, the only question is quite how mental they are!