The magic fairies are coming...

It's easy to become fixated on our problems being external to us.  You know, we blame the food, the drink, the fags, the drugs and call them 'the problem'. 

Stop kidding yourself on! The 'thing' isn't the problem, you are!

See the only reason you eat the food, smoke the fag etc. is because your mind has decided that it is the quickest way it has got of meeting a key, unconscious need.  The question is which one.  Here's a very basic model that you can use to diagnose which need your 'thing' meets - 

Stability - the need to have peace, quiet and to stop the noise, stop the stress

Variety - the need to get the buzz, to alleviate the boredom

Connection - the need to not feel alone, to be part of something

Or finally,

Status - the need to feel special/cool/different, like you are an individual who makes their own choices

It doesn't matter how 'sorted' you think your life is, you even do the good stuff like exercise, ambition and creativity to get these needs met.

So ask yourself, which are you?

Once you know which fits you.., stop bloody blaming the 'thing'. The cake doesn't eat itself! The hangover isn't delivered by magic fairies during the night! The dodgy pill didn't just soak through your skin. It was you that did it, you chose it. 

However, the realisation that it's not about the food, drink, drugs or whatever and that it's actually about your unconscious needs gives you the freedom to make one more choice.

What would be a better thing to do instead?

Anyway, for many of you the magic hangover fairies are probably due in a few hours so think about this once you've promised yourself you'll never do it again!!

Going Loopy

I talk frequently to people about what I have decided today I like to call perpetual loops. These are loops of behaviour that feed themselves which means they can appear, to the person doing them at least, as if they are uncontrollable or without reason.

Anxiety is a prime example. Someone has a horrible experience where they experience anxiety. The next time they think of doing that time they get anxious about the fact that they might get anxious. This makes them anxious. Woops! Now, they have anxiety, not about the thing they are actually anxious about but about the anxiety that they might get anxiety! This then fires off the perpetual loop; anxious about being anxious which is often mistakenly attributed to some mysterious outside cause.

This is exactly the same as the person who gets angry about being angry, sad about being sad, or feels crap about themselves cause they are overweight so they go and eat cake to make themselves feel better (in turn making them overweight which makes them feel crap which....you get the idea). 

It's a really insidious wee trick of the mind but it is actually fiendishly simple to, at least, begin to control. 

Step 1, rationalise the memory that started the loop. Heres some questions for you to start this - What is it that happened? How did you feel? What is it that you think would happen if this was to happen again? Is that worse or better than what happens now?

Step 2 - realise that this is a perpetual loop. A set of behaviours causing themselves. It is really illogical when you step back and notice it. Many times just the awareness of the loop can make it easy to break. Your reaction is historical, it would be like being scared of falling every time you walked just because you fell when you were a baby. 

Anyway, go spot your loops.  You'll have some, the only question is quite how mental they are!