Accepting being awesome

How are you with compliments? Can you accept them or do you do that thing where you feel duty bound to reject them by qualifying them with some balancing statement (e.g. 'you look great!' 'oh no, this is just something I threw on and my hair's not been washed in days')?

If I could do one thing to change the world it would be to teach everyone how to accept a compliment  with gratitude. It could transform everything! Imagine a world where everyone could accept that someone else has something nice to say to them? How crazy would that be?

There is a perfectly good reason for not being able to accept a compliment. It's so that you can maintain your crappy view of yourself inside your head. Simple as that. The rejection of a compliment is a perfect example of your mind's ability to ignore anything it feels conflicts with your established view of the world.  Does that make sense? 

You believe the world is flat. Someone says the world is round. If your belief system is strong enough, your mind can, and more than likely will, simply reject that reality.  It does it all the time. 

So, if you find you can't accept a compliment, what is it that you believe about yourself that is so powerful that prevents you accepting, whole heartedly, that you are amazing, beautiful, perfect and, above all, a kick ass person to know? And why the hell would you believe that about yourself?!

It's time to accept that you are amazing, beautiful, perfect and, above all, a kick ass person to know. So from now on I want to give you the special compliment mantra. This is the important phrase you will say from now on every time someone says something nice to you. It's really important so you might want to write it down.  Ready?  The phrase is...'Thank You'

Do it. Every time. It will make you feel amazing. Ready for practice...

You are amazing, beautiful, perfect and, above all, a kick ass person to know. Your response?

Too right you should be frustrated...

So, there I was tonight sitting in a relatively major traffic jam, listening to the Olympics and relaxing. I had nowhere to be so the easiest thing to do is just to chill out, isn't it? I have 20 minutes where I can be and will be nowhere else, so why stress?

That got me thinking.

I was watching the cars that seem to be really, really eager to get nowhere; pushing up behind the car in front. Filling gaps of a few metres with misplaced haste as if them filling the gap makes the queue move quicker. And I asked myself the question "why is it people get so frustrated when they have a perfect chance to do nothing yet do nothing when they have every chance to do something?".  It sounds complex but I don't think it is. I think it's really simple.

Pictures. It's all a matter of pictures.

When people sit in traffic jams, they have a clear picture of where they want to be playing inside their heads. The gap between sitting in the jam and that picture of where they should/want to be causes the frustration. Take the phrase 'I've got better places to be than sitting in this bloody traffic' as an example.

So why don't we do that in our lives? Why don't you try running a picture of a fitter, healthier, happier you inside your head and run it sooooo vividly that the fact you aren't there already causes you so much frustration you would do anything to be there now? Why is it that we use all our mind's incredible resources on traffic jams and so little on making ourselves who we want to be?

Run the picture now. Be frustrated at the fact you aren't there already. Promise yourself that yo are going to use that frustration as fuel to close the gap, to drive up the arse of the things you don't want until they get out of your bloody way and you can get to where you want to be instead.
Vroom, vroom, people! You've got better places to be than where you are :)

Walking away from assholes...

A mate of mine said something to me a couple of weeks ago that really has resonated with me and I hope it resonates with you too.

"Life gets easier when you start letting them away with it"

It's an interesting thought isn't it? How much easier would your life be if you just simply let 'them' away with 'it'? I mean, if you were to stop taking things personally, seeing every comment or misdemeanour as a personal attack, can you imagine how much head space that would free up?!

For many people the initial reaction is to say "yeah, but..." followed by many reasons why they shouldn't let particular people away with what they have 'done' to them. But that proves the point does it not? Would that energy not be better spent elsewhere? What did the 'yeah, but...' get you? Correct. It got you piss all!!

The secret to making this work is understanding that it is your choice to either surround yourself with people that nourish you, support you and love you or to surround yourself with assholes. When assholes are assholes, you are entitled to let them away with their assholeness and then walk away. Don't take it personally but don't take it either. 

Life is easier when you start letting them away with it. Nothing is personal. You have the choice 

What's not the problem?

Super Late Night Question (which most people will see in the morning)*: one question, one question only - ask yourself now, what is it that you either haven't done or aren't doing to keep that thing you want to change from changing?

Take your time...

*its too late to think up a catchy title. Consider it a work in progress!

It's like the theory of the möbius...

Late night musing: are you stressed? If you would class yourself as someone who is stressed, how much stress is the fact that you are stressed causing you? Mental isn't it? It's perpetual e-motion!

It's interesting how many times you find that trying to avoid the emotion you are trying to avoid is causing the emotion you are trying to avoid (read it again, I promise it makes sense!). Anxiety about anxiety, anger about anger, sadness about sadness...the list goes on. 

How to break it? Many ways but here's two simple tips. First, realise the futility of it and think about how ridiculous it is that you are caught in this emotional loop, then take charge of it (not control, charge) and focus on what you would like instead and ONLY on what you would like instead. See how it changes the way you feel. 

Loops. It's like the theory of the möbius...

Getting out of your head...

Post holiday quickie - how long do you spend in your own head? We can get into a habit of living in everyone else's mind, wondering what they think of us, have we pleased them, do they find us attractive, are we doing the right thing by them? So many questions. 

Yet, do you like the answers? 

The only head that matters is yours.  Yes, it's cool to spend a little time in someone else's head to work out how you can change but that's it. You have the answers to your questions. You need to be open and live YOUR life the way you want to live it.  The people that are meant to be with you, will come with you.

Worrying about what other people think only leads to hurt, suspicion and acting on false information that essentially you have made up!

Trust yourself, live the life you want, make decisions that make you happy first. 

7 Rules of Life - A week of Learning ends

7 Rules of Life - A week of Learning ends

This last week I've taken you through what I believe these 7 principles of life can teach us.  Here's a quick reminder of all 7 -


1. The world is what you think it is
2. There are no limits
3. Energy flows where attention goes
4. NOW is the moment of power
5. To Love is to be happy with
6. All power comes from within
7. Effectiveness is the measure of truth 

I wish I could claim these as my own but they were written by a superb writer called Serge Kahili King.  I recommend you go and check out some of his books, no matter what your belief system.

Anyway, I hope they have made you think and here's one final thought for you -

Enjoying them is not enough.  Reading the book is not enough.  Clicking Like on a Facebook post is not enough.  The only thing that is going to give you the life you want is action.

You need to take all the things you have learned and put them into action NOW.  You have to believe you have that power, you have to understand that the way you see the world is in your control and that you have no limitations apart from the ones you set on yourself.  You have to start loving yourself and taking care of YOU and do it TODAY, you have the ability to do it and to deny that power is to give your life away.  Be honest about your level of happiness, be open and free and focus on what you want.

This is your one shot at this.  There are many people who understand their destiny is waiting to be grasped and owned....are you one of them?

For the last time this week, Aloha

See you again tomorrow. Have a fab Friday night :)