Accepting being awesome

How are you with compliments? Can you accept them or do you do that thing where you feel duty bound to reject them by qualifying them with some balancing statement (e.g. 'you look great!' 'oh no, this is just something I threw on and my hair's not been washed in days')?

If I could do one thing to change the world it would be to teach everyone how to accept a compliment  with gratitude. It could transform everything! Imagine a world where everyone could accept that someone else has something nice to say to them? How crazy would that be?

There is a perfectly good reason for not being able to accept a compliment. It's so that you can maintain your crappy view of yourself inside your head. Simple as that. The rejection of a compliment is a perfect example of your mind's ability to ignore anything it feels conflicts with your established view of the world.  Does that make sense? 

You believe the world is flat. Someone says the world is round. If your belief system is strong enough, your mind can, and more than likely will, simply reject that reality.  It does it all the time. 

So, if you find you can't accept a compliment, what is it that you believe about yourself that is so powerful that prevents you accepting, whole heartedly, that you are amazing, beautiful, perfect and, above all, a kick ass person to know? And why the hell would you believe that about yourself?!

It's time to accept that you are amazing, beautiful, perfect and, above all, a kick ass person to know. So from now on I want to give you the special compliment mantra. This is the important phrase you will say from now on every time someone says something nice to you. It's really important so you might want to write it down.  Ready?  The phrase is...'Thank You'

Do it. Every time. It will make you feel amazing. Ready for practice...

You are amazing, beautiful, perfect and, above all, a kick ass person to know. Your response?

Too right you should be frustrated...

So, there I was tonight sitting in a relatively major traffic jam, listening to the Olympics and relaxing. I had nowhere to be so the easiest thing to do is just to chill out, isn't it? I have 20 minutes where I can be and will be nowhere else, so why stress?

That got me thinking.

I was watching the cars that seem to be really, really eager to get nowhere; pushing up behind the car in front. Filling gaps of a few metres with misplaced haste as if them filling the gap makes the queue move quicker. And I asked myself the question "why is it people get so frustrated when they have a perfect chance to do nothing yet do nothing when they have every chance to do something?".  It sounds complex but I don't think it is. I think it's really simple.

Pictures. It's all a matter of pictures.

When people sit in traffic jams, they have a clear picture of where they want to be playing inside their heads. The gap between sitting in the jam and that picture of where they should/want to be causes the frustration. Take the phrase 'I've got better places to be than sitting in this bloody traffic' as an example.

So why don't we do that in our lives? Why don't you try running a picture of a fitter, healthier, happier you inside your head and run it sooooo vividly that the fact you aren't there already causes you so much frustration you would do anything to be there now? Why is it that we use all our mind's incredible resources on traffic jams and so little on making ourselves who we want to be?

Run the picture now. Be frustrated at the fact you aren't there already. Promise yourself that yo are going to use that frustration as fuel to close the gap, to drive up the arse of the things you don't want until they get out of your bloody way and you can get to where you want to be instead.
Vroom, vroom, people! You've got better places to be than where you are :)

Walking away from assholes...

A mate of mine said something to me a couple of weeks ago that really has resonated with me and I hope it resonates with you too.

"Life gets easier when you start letting them away with it"

It's an interesting thought isn't it? How much easier would your life be if you just simply let 'them' away with 'it'? I mean, if you were to stop taking things personally, seeing every comment or misdemeanour as a personal attack, can you imagine how much head space that would free up?!

For many people the initial reaction is to say "yeah, but..." followed by many reasons why they shouldn't let particular people away with what they have 'done' to them. But that proves the point does it not? Would that energy not be better spent elsewhere? What did the 'yeah, but...' get you? Correct. It got you piss all!!

The secret to making this work is understanding that it is your choice to either surround yourself with people that nourish you, support you and love you or to surround yourself with assholes. When assholes are assholes, you are entitled to let them away with their assholeness and then walk away. Don't take it personally but don't take it either. 

Life is easier when you start letting them away with it. Nothing is personal. You have the choice 

What's not the problem?

Super Late Night Question (which most people will see in the morning)*: one question, one question only - ask yourself now, what is it that you either haven't done or aren't doing to keep that thing you want to change from changing?

Take your time...

*its too late to think up a catchy title. Consider it a work in progress!

It's like the theory of the möbius...

Late night musing: are you stressed? If you would class yourself as someone who is stressed, how much stress is the fact that you are stressed causing you? Mental isn't it? It's perpetual e-motion!

It's interesting how many times you find that trying to avoid the emotion you are trying to avoid is causing the emotion you are trying to avoid (read it again, I promise it makes sense!). Anxiety about anxiety, anger about anger, sadness about sadness...the list goes on. 

How to break it? Many ways but here's two simple tips. First, realise the futility of it and think about how ridiculous it is that you are caught in this emotional loop, then take charge of it (not control, charge) and focus on what you would like instead and ONLY on what you would like instead. See how it changes the way you feel. 

Loops. It's like the theory of the möbius...

Getting out of your head...

Post holiday quickie - how long do you spend in your own head? We can get into a habit of living in everyone else's mind, wondering what they think of us, have we pleased them, do they find us attractive, are we doing the right thing by them? So many questions. 

Yet, do you like the answers? 

The only head that matters is yours.  Yes, it's cool to spend a little time in someone else's head to work out how you can change but that's it. You have the answers to your questions. You need to be open and live YOUR life the way you want to live it.  The people that are meant to be with you, will come with you.

Worrying about what other people think only leads to hurt, suspicion and acting on false information that essentially you have made up!

Trust yourself, live the life you want, make decisions that make you happy first. 

7 Rules of Life - A week of Learning ends

7 Rules of Life - A week of Learning ends

This last week I've taken you through what I believe these 7 principles of life can teach us.  Here's a quick reminder of all 7 -


1. The world is what you think it is
2. There are no limits
3. Energy flows where attention goes
4. NOW is the moment of power
5. To Love is to be happy with
6. All power comes from within
7. Effectiveness is the measure of truth 

I wish I could claim these as my own but they were written by a superb writer called Serge Kahili King.  I recommend you go and check out some of his books, no matter what your belief system.

Anyway, I hope they have made you think and here's one final thought for you -

Enjoying them is not enough.  Reading the book is not enough.  Clicking Like on a Facebook post is not enough.  The only thing that is going to give you the life you want is action.

You need to take all the things you have learned and put them into action NOW.  You have to believe you have that power, you have to understand that the way you see the world is in your control and that you have no limitations apart from the ones you set on yourself.  You have to start loving yourself and taking care of YOU and do it TODAY, you have the ability to do it and to deny that power is to give your life away.  Be honest about your level of happiness, be open and free and focus on what you want.

This is your one shot at this.  There are many people who understand their destiny is waiting to be grasped and owned....are you one of them?

For the last time this week, Aloha

See you again tomorrow. Have a fab Friday night :)

7 Rules of Life - 7. Effectiveness is the measure of truth

7 Rules of Life - 7. Effectiveness is the measure of truth

One of my favourite phrases on all my trainings is one that, I must admit, I nicked from Tony Robbins.  It really resonated with me when I first went to see Tony live and he explained it.  The phrase?

'The truth will set you Free'

It is an exceptionally powerful statement yet one that is not always easy to live by.

In truth we find what works and what doesn't (in other words, what's effective and what isn't) because when we are true to ourselves and our lives then we have nothing to hide, does that make sense?

Let me put it another way, when we bluff and bullsh1t, we end up doing things that don't work for us.  we end up in relationships that are dysfunctional, we end up in jobs we actively dislike, we poison our minds and bodies and the more we do it the more we end up needing to bluff and bullsh1t to hide the mistakes  we don't want anyone to realise we are making.

When we are true, when we are honest, when we are ourselves we admit to our mistakes.  We accept that we are fallible and open our minds to change.  We become effective in every area of our lives because we understand that we aren't always effective in every area of our lives!!  I'm going to nick another quote from Robbins here, Good decisions come from good judgement, good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from making bad decisions.

Do a quick diagnostic of your life...where are you at your most effective?  And how much do you feel like yourself when you do that thing?  It's so obvious.  So why don't you live the rest of your life like that?

Tomorrow is Friday, so here's a task.  Live tomorrow and the weekend being honest with yourself about what works and what doesn't.

I promise, I know it might be scary, but the truth will set you free...

7 Rules of Life - 6. All power comes from within

7 Rules of Life - 6. All power comes from within


When I coach people I am always very aware of one change, that any change that occurs for that person is 100% down to them.  I have merely been a witness and a guide to help them find the places they already possessed to empower them to make the change.

That might sound a bit bizarre to anyone that puts their faith in a specific guru or expert or attributes change to some magic touch they received but I promise you that you made the change yourself.

I am privileged and honoured to be the guide for so many people and many people who I have helped through courses and privately have expressed their gratitude for any help I have given them.  I thank you if you are one of them however I didn't make the change, YOU DID!

You see, everything you have ever done and accomplished is because of you.  You probably don't even realise just how much you are capable of but, and I promise this is true, if you just went for your dreams with 100% conviction and refused, point blank refused, to stop until you got everything you wanted, guess what? You'd have everything you wanted!

But so few of us do that.  We give away our power, becoming martyrs and victims of our own crappy circumstances.  We believe we have no power and we end up stagnant or potentially we even end up going backwards, running from life like it is some scary zombie that refuses to be baseball batted into submission (scary, life zombies...now there's a metaphor!).

We have unlimited power when we choose to use it.  There have been times in your life when you have went deep and managed to find that extra ounce of energy, that little push when you needed it most, that moment of clarity amidst chaos.  This is your power.  You own it.

If you just chose to really use your incredible power, just what amazing things would you be capable of?

Or is it easier to sit on your ass, do piss all and pretend you don't have any?

Your move...

7 Rules of Life - 5. To Love is to be happy with

7 Rules of Life - 5. To Love is to be happy with


Let's boil life down to it's most simple form.  Everything you do and everything you don't do is governed by 2 simple forces, Pleasure and Pain.  It is as simple as that.

These two forces guide our lives every day pushing us away from the painful and, technically speaking, towards the pleasurable.  But that's not really how it happens is it?

For many of us what happens is we are pushed away from the really painful towards the slightly less painful.  The pleasure aspect never really comes into it.  Our lives become a dizzying cycle of running away hoping that some day our white knight on his majestic steed will ride in and save the day (or, for the blokes, we'll just find the answer and be able to fix it and everything will seem ok again!).

The thing is this whole cycle has a simple solution.  And it starts with you.  Are you ready?  Really ready?

To find true happiness you must begin with yourself.  The endless search for the solution or the white knight is a signal to your own heart that you don't actually believe enough in yourself to pick yourself up and fight for your own life.  You can't even love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

Love is the root of all happiness.  When you can truly look yourself in the mirror and respect and love yourself you have the key to happiness.  It doesn't need any magic book, any learned guru, any life changing course...it just needs you to look in the mirror, accept yourself totally for who you are, where you are and what you are doing and think, to yourself, those 3 words...I LOVE YOU.

The moment you say that, and really, really mean it, you have found happiness my friend.  Go practise.  If you leak from your eyes the first couple of times that's ok!!  You'll get used to it by Thursday :)

7 Rules of Life - 4. NOW is the moment of power

7 Rules of Life - 4. NOW is the moment of power


Where have you just been? And what is about to happen next? And, mind bending time again, are either of the answers you just gave to those questions real?

The answer is no, by the way.

The past is now just a memory.  A moment in time that only you experienced.  There may have been other people with you but none of them will have experienced that moment, or that moment, or that moment, or (this could go on for a long time so I'm going to stop)...in the way you just did.  It was a truly unique moment of time, experienced in a way no one ever has before and no one ever will again.

The future is a fantasy.  A guess on your best knowledge of what you can see, hear, feel and know about yourself.  But it isn't real.  If you really wanted to, you could run out of your house naked and run around the street proclaiming your love for Doctor Who.  You probably won't but it is an option ( if you do, grab a video and post it. That sounds funny!).  And that's the thing about the future, it isn't defined until you choose what to do next.  And when do you choose..?

Now.  Now is when you choose.

Every second has a myriad choices available.  You can choose left or right, good or bad, now or later, him or her, yes or no, fight or flight, stick or twist.

Now.  Now is when you choose.

So what do you choose to do?  Your life depends on your answer....

7 Rules of Life - 3. Energy goes where attention goes

7 Rules of Life - 3. Energy goes where attention goes

How are you tonight?  Good?  Or not?

The answer to that question will tell you where your internal focus is pointing.  

If it points towards being back at work tomorrow, your packed inbox and the multitude of phone calls you have to make then, guess what, you'll get to feel stressed and possibly even anxious.

If it points towards these precious moments with family, friends or just you being you then you'll get to feel good, loved perhaps, possible even content and happy.

The only difference is focus.

Too many people spend hours, days, weeks, years, even lifetimes focusing all our attention on what we don't want.  It's ruddy bonkers!! Stop it!!  Why would you waste your energy and thought on what you don't want?  Have you not realised that it isn't free?  It costs you, every time you do it.  It costs you time, energy and saps you.  Do you sleep properly? If not, what is the thought(s) that keep you awake?  Bet you it's lots of thoughts about what you don't want.

I'm into energy investment.

When you focus on what you want, when you focus on the people that love you, the things you have achieved, the things you will achieve, the dreams you have and the joy of a future that you are in control of not only does it not cost you anything but you also get interest on every ounce of energy you invest.  It just keeps on coming.  

You give power to your emotions by directing thought towards them.  Which ones are you empowering?

Aloha

7 Rules of Life - 2. There are no limits

7 Rules of Life - 2. There are no limits

When I do my training courses (BreakThrough Weekend in Glasgow September 15 & 16th, thanks for asking!!) I often say a line I do everything I can to live by...

THERE ARE NO RULES

It's the unconscious rules we set ourselves that define our limits, when we discard our rules - none of which are real - that we lose our personal limitations.

Think about it, how many times do you say 'I should...' or 'I need to...' or even 'I can't...' or 'I shouldn't...'?  These little gems give away our rules and limits on our lives.  

You need to realise that the only person that has ever set limits on how you live your life is you.  No one else.  

What the hell do you do that for?!!  

Realise that this is your one shot.  I'm not saying you should be out there bungee jumping from bridges and inventing submarines, I'm just saying that in your life just now you know that you are not doing things you wish you were.  Maybe now is the time to just go do it?

Why wouldn't you?

Aloha

7 Rules of Life - 1. The World is what you think it is

7 Rules of Life - 1. The World is what you think it is

Every minute of every day we filter the world through everything we have ever learned and experienced.  Every single second you have been alive has contributed to the way you experience your life today.

For example, if you grew up in a world of red, blue would seem amazing while orange may appear not quite right.  I know it's a crazy example but I hope it makes sense!  

At no point in your life will you ever interact with the 'real' world.  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, you experience is filtered by you.  Here's a mind blower, you are that unique that not one person ever in history has experienced this moment before and no one will ever experience it ever again.  This moment, right now is unique.  What have you done with it?!

Your expectations of life, the world and everything are defined by your internal experience.  If you think work is going to be hell, it probably will be. If you think your boss is an ass, it doesn't matter what they do you will see them as an ass. If you believe you are not good enough you will find your evidence to support that and you'll get to be right, congratulations!

Your thoughts are powerful.  How would your world change if you believed you are capable of anything?  How would you change you if you trusted that the opportunity to live your dream will present itself? 

The world is exactly what you think it is because your thoughts are your world.  The second you realise that is the second you take power over your life.

Aloha

This late? On a school night?

Late Night Musing; the Hawaiians had a phrase that went a bit like this - A'ole pau ka 'ike i ka halau ho'okahi

It's a fabulous phrase, isn't it? :)

OK, of course I'm going to tell you what it means; roughly translated it means 'think not that all knowledge comes from one school'

It's easy to become transfixed, captured by a thought or a method but it's very important to understand that no matter how much you know, you can never know everything.

You are only an expert in what you know now and to believe that what you know now is the only way or the truth is a fallacy.

We learn so much when we step outside what we think we know and try something new or adventurous.  When was the last time you did that?

Hypnotic Dickens

You know I do hypnosis right?  Well, you do now!  I do loads of other things aside from that but I'm fascinated and enthralled by the unconscious and its capability for producing change.

Anyway, I invented this cool Dickens-esque hypnotic induction the other day and I thought I'd share the concept with you tonight so that tonight...as you dream...or perhaps before...you can travel to somewhere inside to find something.  I dunno what. Just something...

So, as you go to sleep...whether that be now or later, imagine you get to meet 3 'people' inside your own head.  For the purposes of this exercise, you have 90 seconds with each of them -

1 - a you from the past.  The one that hurts the most.  What is the thing you say to them now, the thing they need to hear most, that heals them completely? "Everything is going to be OK.", "I love you", "I believe in you" or something else.  90 seconds...

2 - a you that lives perpetually 5 seconds ahead of you, choosing the best path for you.  What is the thing you say to help them always know what path to choose to best help you achieve everything you want? How do you help them direct you toward your life's true purpose? 90 seconds...


3 - The deepest you - the true you of right here, right now.  Your heart, your soul, the you that you always wanted to be. What is it that you want to HEAR from them?  What is it that they could say to you that would unlock you from your faces and allow you to be truly you?  What's the thing you've forgotten about yourself? 90 seconds...

It's an interesting wee thought exercise, give it a shot and let me know how you get on.  You know where I am if you want to try the full 45 minute version!!!!

Something different for Monday night :)

Congratulations, you've been successful...or have you?

What is success? I mean, I know what we're told success is but that isn't actually what success is.

I think sometimes we're all hypnotised to believe that if we don't have the big house, the fancy car, the right label on our clothes, the right body or even the right kids that we're not successful. There are a lot of people out there striving and pushing and stressing to achieve a dream that they will realise, when they get there, was actually someone else's dream, not theirs. 

Success is subjective, it's a personal thing. You might even be successful now if you just paid attention to what you have rather than what you think you want to have!

For me, walking around the shops today laughing with my oldest daughter, taking my family out for dinner last night to celebrate some recent successes from all of us, looking forward to another 2 years of my wife being a student and achieving her dreams and many other things are my gauges of success before anything else comes close.

Money is nice but sharing in love and respect of all those around you is success. After all, driving your nice car into your nice house all alone would be, let's face it, pretty dull.

Love and respect :)